Poison Ivy

 “Poison Ivy,” By Maladys Shrubb 

Theodore considered himself to be a man of science, even if he had no formal training at any university.  He viewed himself as self-educated, and thus, unfettered by the constraints of the academic institutions.  His pursuit of botany was done simply out of a great love of plants.  He would spend the days of his youth staring out of the window of his home at the breathtaking woodlands in rural New York. 

As a youth, he spent considerable time gathering various plant specimens.   He dedicated his time to dissecting leaf material, then studying them under his cheap microscope.  He would always mutter “fascinating,” as he looked at the enlarged image of a leaf or a stem.   He found odd comfort in examining the folds and veins.  His mother watched with both curious amusement and irritation while he went on his numerous nature hunts.  Theodore would often track dirt and debris on the floors and leave piles of decaying plant matter around the house to her chagrin.   

Young Theodore once brought home a large pile of poison ivy and set it on the kitchen table.  He ran into his room to fetch a box to sort the leaves and stems for the purpose of sorting the newly discovered plant.  His mother returned home from the grocery store and shrieked in terror at the sight of the familiar three-leaved plants laying upon the kitchen table.  Theodore expected that she was merely upset that he hadn't cleaned up his mess. 

He returned from his room and attempted to placate her, by informing her that he had a box ready to scoop up the plant matter.  “Mother, I will attend to cleaning this mess right up,” he innocently remarked.  She trembled with fear and anger, “Theodore!  Do you know what those plants are?”  He shrugged and began setting to the task of removing the plants from the table.  She stepped between her son and the table and slapped his outstretched hand.  “Those plants are very itchy and dangerous!”  She scolded him. 

Theodore gasped in horror and embarrassment.  His mother was terribly allergic to the plant.  She asked Theodore to call emergency services immediately.  He did as he was asked.  When EMS arrived, his mother was slumped on a couch, and her entire body was swollen.  She appeared to be struggling to breathe.  One of the EMS folks (a rather portly gentleman by the name of James) quickly administered a shot of epinephrine.  They removed the plants from the house with gloves and masks, then they proceeded to take her and her son to the hospital. 

She recovered quickly, then admonished her son for being so foolish.  He contended that science was a learning process and that these things happen.  Theodore had a mild rash on his hands and face, and the doctors gave him some calamine lotion.  Theodore chuckled at its pinkish color and applied the salve to his great relief.  When his mother saw her son coated in the pinkish goo she giggled madly and promptly forgave her son.   

When they arrived home his mother showed him a picture of poison ivy and told him to, “avoid this plant at all costs.”  Even being close to the plant could make her very sick.  Theodore agreed, learned his lesson, and avoids Poison Ivy to this day.  He still has a great love of plants and visits any botanical garden whenever he has the time or inclination.   

 

 

THE END